WELLTHY Generation Podcast!

51. The Secrets to Reclaiming Innate Confidence Eroded by Life Experiences with Sylvia Brands

• Naihomy Jerez • Episode 51

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Ever wondered why your confidence seems to wane despite your achievements? Join us on the Wealthy Generation Podcast as we sit down with self-trust and confidence coach Sylvia Brands to uncover the secrets of reclaiming innate confidence eroded by life experiences and societal pressures. Sylvia guides us through the often-misunderstood correlation between health, wellness, and true confidence, debunking the myth that external achievements or appearances determine self-worth. She offers practical advice on how to practice confidence daily and navigate the cultural dynamics that affect our self-esteem from a young age, especially those concerning weight and appearance.

Sylvia also introduces us to the "three big C's" framework—criticism, comparison, and consumption—illuminating how these external influences shape our self-image. By addressing the negative self-perceptions rooted in the opinions of others, she encourages us to foster a positive self-image through self-awareness and curiosity. We explore strategies to break free from these damaging beliefs and learn to honor our true selves. Sylvia’s insights are particularly valuable for those seeking to untangle the harmful cultural expectations and rebuild self-trust.

In our conversation, we dive into the intricate relationship between self-trust, confidence, and overall health. Sylvia shares personal anecdotes and practical techniques for setting boundaries, reinforcing positive self-perception, and prioritizing health amidst external pressures. From vocalizing affirmations to celebrating small achievements, she provides actionable steps to build resilience and maintain a healthy body and mind. We also discuss the impact of generational influences on our approach to wellness and confidence, and how to navigate cultural expectations to invest in a fulfilling life. Tune in for an episode packed with wisdom, personal stories, and transformative advice.

Connect with Sylvia on Instagram @thesylviabrands
Creep Into Confidence Challenge with Sylvia 

Thank you so much for listening!


Naihomy:

Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of Wealthy Generation Podcast and, as you always know, it's W-E-L-L-T-H-Y. Today I have my prima here on the podcast. I was recently on hers and she let everybody know that we're friends of real life. And I'm here to let you know that, yes, we're friends of real life. We text back and forth, we hang out and do all that good stuff, even if we live in very different states. So I want to welcome the one and only Miss Sylvia Brands onto the Wealthy Generation podcast. Thank you for being here, sylvia.

Sylvia:

Yes, I'm so excited to be here. Oh my gosh, thanks for having me.

Naihomy:

Yes, absolutely. I'm excited to have you. We've been discussing. We discuss a lot of things about health and confidence and trust and, like I'll have you do the formal introduction as well, because I want people to know who you are, what you do, how you support them. But we're meeting. We always find ourselves meeting at this intersection of how health and how wellness is so intricately tied to our confidence and self-trust, and this is exactly what you do. So give us your intro so we can, like, mesh everything together.

Sylvia:

Oh my gosh, okay, beautiful, thanks so much. So, first and foremost, yes, my name is Sylvia brands. That is my real name. I get so many DMS being like is this fake? But no, that is my real name. Also, I'm. I'm on the West coast, so I'm in Arizona, and I just want you guys to know that. If you're a part of Naomi's community, I just want you to know that I'm obsessed with you. Yes, my name is Sylvia Brands. I'm your self-trust and confidence coach, encouraging you to live life. A toda madre that is a very Mexican phrase, I want to say. But a toda madre is kind of like a lifestyle where it is a phrase we use to say to kind of like live life to the fullest, to live full out. And so I'm just excited to jump into this conversation, but before we do, I just want to tell your entire community, naomi, of podcast listeners, that I'm obsessed with them, because I'm obsessed with New York podcast listeners that I'm obsessed with them because I'm obsessed with New York Y'all.

Naihomy:

Sylvia romanticizes New York like no tomorrow. She sends me all the TikToks and all these things and I am always rolling my eyes at her but also entertaining her in her romanticization. That just made up that word of New York. I get it. I get it. It's cutesy. Sometimes it's so cutesy, but yeah. But not all the time, but yes, anyway, yeah, absolutely so, sylvia, please share a little bit more about what you mean when you say confidence and self-trust, and how does this apply to, let's say, our health and our wellness?

Sylvia:

Beautiful. Okay, so here's. My thing is that, as a self-trust and confidence coach, my number one mission in life is to take back what confidence means. I think that confidence gets like a nice like sex appeal rap of like, ooh, I want to be confident. But we outsource our confidence all of the time to something specific. So a lot of times we're like, oh my gosh. Well, when I lose the way, I'm going to be confident. Or when I learn how to do my makeup and I can, like, beat my face, I'm going to be confident. When I buy the specific outfit, when I secure the bag, when I have a specific job or role or function, we're going to gain the confidence.

Sylvia:

But here's the thing when you were born and you innately came into this world, we were all equipped with confidence. However, through our life's experiences and journeys, and maybe even the parents that we got again, through upbringing and experience, our confidence slowly gets chipped away. But the thing is is that our parents never sat down and were like okay, here's how you practice confidence. All right, but again, it is something that you are equipped with, just haven't practiced. And that's what I'm on a mission to do, because I truly believe that you're already confident. You just lost it along the way. But confidence is a practice, not a destination, and I think people think that it is a okay. If I arrive at confidence, I park the car and I stay there and that's not what it is.

Naihomy:

I can totally see that and I totally get that. So because one thing I work on with my clients a lot is loving themselves where they are at the moment. Because if we keep waiting for that number on the scale or that certain number in a pair of jeans or whatever it is, then it's a pretty miserable journey and we will never be satisfied. Because there's times, over and over again, when we meet that goal and it doesn't even feel as exciting as we anticipate it's going to feel or it doesn't look how we anticipate it's going to look. But I want to go back to basics, because you mentioned how we're born with confidence and along the way we might lose it. And I feel like, especially in our community. Again, sylvia's Mexican. I'm an honorary Mexican and Dominican born. I'm always claiming I'm Mexican.

Sylvia:

I love it, dude, you should. I fucking tell you all the time.

Naihomy:

But one thing that happens a lot in our communities is we get like and I don't know the right word I'm thinking of like yanked down, but I feel like our confidence gets chipped away at and even stolen from us as children. When they're telling us about how gordita we are or how flaquita we are, like, everybody always has a comment. Or about our hair and how in the in DR is very popular to be like pelo malo If you have curly hair, things like that. In DR, too, there's a lot of colorism, where you get treated differently depending on the color of your skin, and this is made very clear and apparent in childhood. And I feel like, yes, we're born with all this confidence. We might feel a certain way about ourselves, and once we start either being directly told by an adult that's supposed to love us, or just hearing in society, conversations and media, I feel like that gets taken away from us. So how do you work with your clients or how do you share information on? How do you build that back?

Sylvia:

up Totally 100%. Okay, so you touched on a lot of beautiful things that set me up to like. Okay, you're my prima, so now I'm going to walk you guys through coaching, literally. I'm going to try to make it as quick as possible, but here's the thing I grew up very much same situation that you painted a beautiful picture.

Sylvia:

I grew up super curly hair, but I am light, so I always had to prove my Mexican-ness because I wasn't brown-er. And then I had a mom who hated my curly hair and so was always telling me pick up your hair, pick up your hair, pick up your hair and it's. I spent so much time, from when I could get a job to like my early twenties, burning the shit out of my hair with keratin treatments over and over and over again or relaxers to get my hair pin straight. Jokes on everybody because I wasted all of that money and my hair is still curly AF. But I love my curls now.

Naihomy:

It's something that I can fully embrace.

Sylvia:

Thank you, I love it, I love my curls. But again, here's the thing, it's exactly what you said. We come in confident because if you and I, and whoever's listening right now, walked into a kindergarten class in New York, in the city, wherever, and we walked into a class and I went to the class and I said, amigos and amigas, tell me something that you love about yourself, 30 hands would shoot up in the air and they would be like, oh my God, I'm the best line leader, I'm the best door holder, I'm the fastest runner, I can tie shoes the fucking best. Kids are great at pointing out the littlest shit and saying that they are fucking awesome at it.

Sylvia:

But, again, it is lived experiences, our parents, some teachers, some mentors, people we admire, that chip our confidence away. And then, here's the thing we begin to idolize the things that scare us or hurt us the most. So, for example and again, I grew up textbook Latina, textbook Mexican the things that I became to idolize the most were guilt and shame, and so I would do everything in my power to avoid guilt and shame. But then, if again my subconscious was just like fueling it, and so that was my life. I was always, just constantly put into positions and in spaces, and my environment was just me, trying to avoid guilt and shame, but then I endlessly felt guilt and shame because I was trying so hard to avoid it.

Sylvia:

But, again, what you idolize is what you set your standard to and what you set your focus to. And again, what does it do? It duplicates in your life, and so I want you to think of that right now. Again and this is probably just like I want to use just a silly example that I use with my clients inside of coaching all the time is that let's set it to a beauty standard. The Kardashians hate it or love it. They have set beauty standards for women across the nation to look a specific way, et cetera.

Sylvia:

In the beginning, it was about having a big booty, being super curvaceous. Today it is about taking it back to those high school days where it's important to be super thin. There's even been conversations of them dissolving their fillers, dissolving their booty, dissolving all of these things, because now it's back to skinny arms, skinny body. That's crazy. But again it is us. Okay, oh my gosh, am I idolizing this beauty standard? Gosh, am I idolizing this beauty standard? And then I'm going to set and follow suit, and then I begin to do actions and live my life in accordance to the thing that I idolize. And sometimes, guys, it requires a level of self-awareness and responsibility to take notice of what we're even idolizing, absolutely.

Naihomy:

So if you notice that, like you notice you're in this shame and this guilt spiral and probably a lot of the thoughts that you have about yourself are not even I can bet money it's not true it's somebody else's thoughts and ideas about you that you also now think about yourself. Oftentimes I've asked my clients, like, do you think of yourself that way? And they're like no, and then it was like who told you that as a kid? And it was like well, my mom, well, my aunt, well, and it's like this whole comparison game.

Naihomy:

And when we start to strip away all of these opinions that everybody else had about them, they actually think about themselves in a positive way and they don't see themselves the way other people do. But it's so hard to get on board with that and really undo all of these like almost deep bruises that haven't like almost scars, I guess, that are still there. So how do you, if you realize that and you want to make a change, start to commit to the decision to do this for yourself instead of just playing along with what everybody else told you? Like, how do you put an end to that to start to build your confidence? I?

Sylvia:

always play it back to. Okay, whatever I'm saying in my mind over and over again, I have to ask myself the three big C's when I think of the thought. So, for example, like you said, like, okay, do you look at yourself this way? Or whose voice is it Right? Who's telling you that? Right, I always it's the big three C's. Don't worry, I'm not calling anybody. The C word on this podcast, it is is am I receiving criticism? Am I comparing myself? Or is it something I've consumed so good? So again, let's take it back to is it? Oh, my god, I forgot the first thing I said criticism, criticism. So they critiqued or they crit Again, paying attention to where the criticism is coming from. Are you giving it to yourself or is it being received? The comparison am I constantly comparing myself or am I again receiving comparison from somebody else? Because again it could be like ah, your prima never does that, mm-hmm.

Sylvia:

Or again again, it's you doing it based on things you see on social media and then consuming. Guys, we do this so much, you going on social media platforms and consuming literally everything you see, or being around friends and family and taking in and accepting as truth what they say, or even consumption of anything you're putting in your mouth. Why are you doing that? What is?

Naihomy:

flaring up.

Sylvia:

What is triggering for you in that sense?

Naihomy:

Yeah, absolutely. And how do you start? So? How do you move on from that, like, once you realize which one it is, is it criticism? Are you comparing yourself? All of that? Like how do you then start to heal that process of just? I think you know I'm going to add another C here. Okay, becoming curious, right of one, which one it is, and then two once you start to realize those thoughts.

Naihomy:

Becoming curious instead of taking it on as truth for yourself and start to make the change to honor you, instead of those thoughts that do not belong to you 100%, and that's perfect, naomi, because that sets it up.

Sylvia:

So, yes, becoming curious about those thoughts or curious about the C word, yeah, yeah. And then bridging the gap, because here's the thing A lot of times we just stop there. Yeah, exactly, we just stop there, and that's the thing. The underlying thing that we're so used to doing is self-abandoning, because when you stop there, guess what it's doing? It is rematando I don't know what the word in English is Rematando that you are trading your truth for the thing, one of those big Cs. And so, again, self-abandoned shoots straight back to your inner child. It's you putting your inner Nina, inner Nino, back in the corner and letting yourself receive this as truth. And so, when you self-abandon, you break your self-trust.

Sylvia:

Now, the other way when you bridge the gap, when you get curious about it, is when you decide to do something about it, to commit to the thought, to commit to your truth. And so that part is bridging the gap and saying, okay, what do I want to do with this? And now here, here are your options for what you can do you can write it, you can say it or you can literally move your body around it, because this is the thing that people don't realize, until you get it out and like and again in a written and a spoken or in a movement kind of way. This is what we do. Our avoidance peaks up. And then we thought about it for a second and we're like, oh my God, that's really overwhelming. And then we, yeah, it's really scary, it's really scary. But again, what does that do? It provokes the self-abandonment. And then your inner child goes to a corner and cries yeah, it provokes the self-abandonment. And then your inner child goes to a corner and cries.

Naihomy:

Yeah, I'm being really dramatic, but you know what I mean. No, I think it's true, or I think it at first. It feels like self-doubt comes into the picture, and then you don't actually know what's true. And I'll give you an example so that we can talk a little bit more about this, because I think that this is the piece that does not get spoken about. Everybody's like see what you're thinking, see where it's coming from. But then it's like all right, bitch, Now what do you do with it?

Naihomy:

Like hello, and when you start to actually see what your truth is, I think it feels and I'll speak for myself because I've done a lot of this work Like it feels very scary. It feels like it's not true. For me, it's felt confusing. Um, okay, I'll jump into the example, because now I'm just like rambling on. But I was told a lot as a child that and we've had this conversation that I was odiosa, that I wasn't. You know how do you say odiosa in English. These were the words told to me. I know these are the words Like unfriendly, right, like I wasn't friendly, or like what else did they tell me that was a lot of it. Or I always had a like a, a resting bitch face, or I was never kind. Like people wanted to give me a kiss or hug me and I was like no, I don't want that. So all of a sudden, if you're not letting adults do that to you, then all of a sudden you're an odiosa kid, or or you're not friendly or I'm bad or I am a difficult child things like

Naihomy:

that, yeah. So as I grew up, I would think to myself, like, am I really the way that these adults describe me like? I don't feel like that. I don't feel like I am like that. Like, yes, maybe sometimes, but I feel like as a child it was me, in a way, trying to protect my personal space and build boundaries, but of course, that is not a thing in in, like Latino culture, and I was very confused whether I was this person who I thought myself to be as kind and compassionate and funny and caring and all the all these things, versus what they told me as a child of who I was and I was in this middle ground of. Is that really me, or is the other version really me? So how do we keep inching towards, like believing who you really are and grabbing on to trusting yourself in this Beautiful Self-trust.

Sylvia:

when I define it is the ability to acknowledge your abilities. So after we bridge that gap and you hear it, you hear all of these things. That's why it's so important to write it, say it or move your body to it, because again that self-doubt creeps in and then we're like, ooh, I don't want to think about it, and we turn up the radio really loud or we listen to a podcast or be like we drown out our voices, right. But I always say to people write down and acknowledge your ability that you're trying to build evidence around. So, for example, am I really an odiosa? I'm just going to use your example, if that's okay.

Sylvia:

yeah, of course so am I really an odiosa? And then we start thinking about it. I would want you to write it down. Or I would want you to say it out loud am I really an odiosa? Or write it down. Or, if you can't even write or say it, move your body, like literally, maybe even stand up or sit down, or like just physically move your body so that your brain has made a synapse of like oh, I want you to pay attention to this, I want you to pay attention to this thought. But then I want you to build self-trust and I want you to acknowledge your abilities.

Sylvia:

Because here's the thing we spend so much time discrediting ourselves that when we're like, hey, it's time to build trust, our brain is like huh, oh, yeah, exactly, you spend so much time beating me up that I don't know what you want me to do. And so in that time, when you're saying am I really an odiosa, it's time to say, well, not really, cause I have friends. Well, not really, cause, like I got married, I'm in a relationship. Well, not really, because, like, I'm polite, I have manners. And again, I want you to start with little things that sound like you, that sound real, because you're right, this experience is already funky and foreign. You do not need to come with an affirmation version of yourself. It's like everyone loves me. No, that feels really fucking weird and also you're not going to believe it, right, that's a big one. So remember to stay in your voice.

Sylvia:

I love that Also acknowledge your abilities like you would as your inner child. So one of the things and again, guys, this has come with time Sometimes I will literally be like, oh my God, you're so delicious. But because that sounds like me, I talk like that to people in real life.

Sylvia:

When me and Naomi are texting each other. I'm like, oh my God, prima, tell me your whole life. But because I talk like that, naomi knows to expect that from me. Yeah, now Naomi's not going to be like oh, and then I will tell her, like oh my God, did you eat anything delicious today? Um, when she was getting ready for her vacation, like oh my God, did you plan just yummy, delicious things to do on your vacation? But again, she can expect that from me, cause that's my voice. Do not change who you are. To try to like. Affirm yourself in a weird, funky way. So again, acknowledge your abilities is the key to building self-trust.

Naihomy:

Oh, you set this one up because I find that that's half the work, right, Like the work we do with ourselves and in our journal and all that. But I feel like there's a whole new. It's like when you're playing a video game. It's like level two. And this level two is when you are committed and made a decision to start making these changes for yourself. And then you go to a social event where everybody knew you as a child, where all your primas and primos are there and they're like hey, why are you being so weird? Like what's going on with you? You're changing, You're making all these decisions. And here we go again with the criticism, with telling you about yourself. How do you stay strong in those situations? Or I don't, I don't even, I don't even think strong, as the word is more of how do you stay committed to staying true to yourself?

Sylvia:

It's my favorite phrase you got to be practiced and prepared. And it's my favorite phrase you got to be practiced and prepared. Ooh, tell me more. So one of the biggest things that I teach my clients with is I guys, I swear, when I die, my tombstone is going to be like this bitch knew her boundaries, because I will absolutely die on the Hill that if you don't have boundaries, you don't have shit. But boundaries again.

Sylvia:

We listened to one podcast episode. We watch one reel. We watch one TikTok and it has like really good information and we're like, ooh, yeah, I fucking know it. But then you go to the environment, that's walking into the lion's den and you again, you didn't practice, you didn't prepare. And then now everybody's looking at you and you're receiving the commentary and you're like, oh, shit, shit, shit, shit. That one thing I watched didn't work. Why? Because we weren't practiced and we weren't prepared. Boundaries only work when they're practiced and prepared.

Sylvia:

And what did I say at the beginning of this podcast? Confidence is a practice, not a destination, because you have to practice your level of confidence in different arenas. So if that's at the baby shower, if that's at your Tia's house, if that's at Christmas, if that's at work. It has to be practiced and prepared in all areas. So, with that being said, you have to practice what you've committed to who you are. That way, you're prepared to take anything on in the environment that you're in. Because we could go to the baby shower and again.

Sylvia:

Well, I will just tell a real life story. It was my son's first birthday. I was still breastfeeding my son at that point and I was getting dressed and it was literally I'm not joking 30 minutes before the party and my mom goes hey, I just want you to know, you look fat in that shirt 30 fucking minutes before the party starts and I'm not at my house. We're at the place that the birthday party is going to take place. I literally looked at her and I I was shocked because I was like you know the hormones of your you're still breastfeeding.

Sylvia:

You're still fresh out the gate, I had every opportunity and validness to break down and cry and probably throw something, but I didn't why? Because I was practiced and I was prepared and I said, mom, I'm going to go ahead and throw you a bone and I know that you're saying that out of love, because you want me to look my best in pictures for this amazing moment in my son's life. But I want you to know that it's not hitting the way you want, because I don't have another shirt option and it's 30 minutes before the party. So I would have appreciated that you came with a different kind of comment if you wanted a different solution.

Sylvia:

What did she hit me with?

Naihomy:

I I always got to tell me something.

Sylvia:

You always got to tell me something back and I said you know what I'm? I'm, I only tell you something back when I'm on the verge of tears. I'm on the verge of tears and we left it at that. I kept my outfit on and we had a great first birthday party. But the big part of that, guys, is that I was practiced and I prepared and I was prepared and I felt good about that conversation because, one, I didn't cry, but, two, the rest of the party, I was able to be present and I wasn't in my head having those shower conversations. I don't know if you guys do this, but back in the day, when I like wouldn't say things out loud, I would go in the shower and I would cuss people out, like this is what I fucking would say.

Naihomy:

I call them shower conversations.

Sylvia:

where you like, cuss people out in the shower and and guys, it was so great because I was present at my son's party instead of being in my head in the shower, having a shower conversation and cussing out my mom.

Naihomy:

And maybe not taking photos and not being in the memories with your son.

Sylvia:

Exactly 100%. So, again, being practiced, being prepared, is what's going to also make things so much better for you. And again, this is like speaking to what Naomi does when it comes to food portions, when it comes to saying I'm going to have this amount of drinks, saying I, I want to eat this and I don't want to eat this and I'm not going to overeat in this way, yeah, even when your parents tell you I was a little bit like that. But let me ask or we vamos por otro plato, whoa.

Naihomy:

Yeah, can you speak a little bit more on how do you prepare for these situations? Because I've definitely been. I understand what you mean because I've had to do the practice and the preparation and still, like some moments catch me off guard. And what I've learned to do now is just, you know, take a step back, analyze it. Now I'm good at seeing that I am getting triggered instead of full on reacting. So that is a big step. But how do you practice this to be prepared?

Sylvia:

so here's the thing you have to kind of analyze what triggers you, right? So, for example, my mom made that comment because I know that my mom appearances matter, my mom is like this sound bad. But guys, I want you to know, I've done the self-work, so I'm okay. My mom is very superficial, so it's all about like, it's all about appear to be perfect. And so, again, my mom gave me that comment because she wanted me to look my best. I don't give a shit about those kinds of things, but she's going to make it aware. So, again, you have to analyze what to kind of practice and prepare for. So, like I knew, I always kind of like to gauge myself with, like, okay, I know the people who are going to test me. So, like my mom, my dad, you know those are the main contenders in my life. Guys that would, oh, and I have a godmother, but I don't. We don't talk like that anymore. Why? Because I'm practiced and prepared and I've said no, thank you.

Naihomy:

And so, out of obligation and guilt and shame of all has to talk to La Madrina and shame of oh has to talk to La Madrina 100%, 100%.

Sylvia:

And yeah, guys, we could get into that one. And so I again, I kind of get like three to five zingers that I know my parents are going to come with me at, and I practice the language that I want to use to and I say defend in quotes I don't want you to defend yourself, I want you to protect yourself. Defend means you're coming to swing your. Your arms are up. When you protect yourself, you're simply saying, ah, I don't want to engage. There's a big difference in that. Simply saying oh, I don't want to engage, there's a big difference in that. But again, you have to get really good.

Sylvia:

So, for example, appearance is one for my mom. Another one is my mom has a really hard time when she she's in the same room with me. My mom likes to just assume that I go back to being her child, like a little girl, yeah, and so she, like she wants to mandarme, she wants to tell me what to do all the time, and then I have to follow suit, even though I'm a grown ass woman and I'm married and the mantra of my life has been don't tell me what to do. And another big one that I have with my mom is again just like the condescending, so like I'm going to tell you this, but I'm gritting my teeth and I mean something else. So you kind of have to like analyze what you need to prepare yourself for.

Sylvia:

And, guys, one of the biggest things, too, that I'm a really big on is that I want to make sure that you know that this is a safe space. And if you have loved ones, like your mom and your dad, or a Tia or a godmother, that you're like, oh my God, but we're supposed to honor them, like there are our parents, so we just have to receive it. You don't, you don't, and that's why, again, it's not about defending yourself, it's about protecting yourself. But again, you can only be practiced and prepared If you take the time to really acknowledge like, okay, these are the triggers that get me each time and prepare language around that. Did I help you there or do you want me to keep?

Naihomy:

going. No, I love that. I just wanted to for you to share like an idea, because I know in this podcast we're not going to solve everybody's issue. Like this is work, guys. It takes weeks, months, maybe even years, and oftentimes what I find with this kind of work is that, like it's hard to do it alone because it's so triggering and you need someone to help you, co-regulate and just like validate you and see you and hold space for you, without that shame or judgment or any of those things like that's so important for the healing process. And, with that said, I just wanted the listeners to have an idea of what that looks like in put into practice, of what the process would be. Beautiful, yeah, so let's talk a little bit about.

Naihomy:

When it comes to health and wellness and this whole idea of confidence and self-trust, I think it's one of the most important aspects because and as everything else like I think, finances and career and all of that are at the top of the list but something that I feel affects us deeply is our own how we treat our body, how we are eating, how we are moving, and oftentimes, like lightly speaking, it's affecting only us. We go home not feeling well at night and have to deal with feeling sick for X number of days just because you didn't, you felt like saying no to that. The S? Flan was going to be disrespectful or something like that.

Naihomy:

Um, when it comes to honoring your health, your wellness, you're making these changes, you're in these social environments and here comes, like, the little peppery comments that everybody has to say about what should you be eating or how you're wasting your time, and I'm not going to support you and going to the gym or something like that. Right, I laugh because I think I know what you're talking about. Yeah, how does that come into play? Because I feel like it's a tough one when we know how much it's affecting us and it's a constant battle, especially in multi-generational households where grandma's living there or mom is living there and a lot of our families are built in this way. So how do you move forward with that when you have influences literally breathing down your neck consistently there? Or maybe they're the ones making meals, or they're seeing the ones leaving, or they're the ones seeing you leave the home to exercise, things like that.

Sylvia:

Yeah, 100%. Okay, you guys are getting again to know me really fast on this podcast episode, but again, I'm a self-trust and confidence coach. So here we fucking go. Another hill that I will die on is that me and Naomi are at the top of the mountain of work that you should do first. I don't care, you can give me a career coach, you can give me a money coach, you can give me whatever. I love all of my friends to death who I know are coaches in the field, but me and Naomi go first, because Because we target the same areas that are the most important, the foundations.

Sylvia:

Yes, if you don't feel good in your mind and in your brain, we can't help anything else. And if you don't feel good inside your body literally by a headache, the way you poop, literally by a headache, the way you poop, literally eating something, and your whole system is off. Sorry, but you're not going anywhere either. And again, I just want to speak to the one thing that you said, and I know that's why you started to laugh. I grew up in a home that valued appearance, that values a job, a role, a function, and really truly believed that you outsource your confidence to a job, role or a function. So for me to unlearn all of that was absolutely insane. And yes, I have a mom who, again, while my home was being built here in Arizona, I lived at home and I had a fresh baby. But also in having a fresh baby, I knew even more than ever that moving my body was so important, because carrying an infant does crazy things to your shoulder, to your back, like the amount of weightlifting you do just in general life, and I had a mom who openly said Cuidarte al niño para que vayas al gimnasio. No, take care of your son so you can go to the gym. Not happening and I was telling Naomi prior to coming onto this podcast is that what people don't realize is that if you put your priorities in the wrong basket and I'm making a reference to like don't put your eggs all in one basket If you put your priorities in the wrong basket, though, you're setting yourself up for your history to be written a completely different way.

Sylvia:

Completely different way. So, for example and here's a tea time that I want to apply I went to the gym yesterday with my dad, and um, don't get me wrong, my dad is a non sugar coder, but he is my parent, like me and him are really, really close, and I go to F 45, which is functional strength training, and when I tell you guys that it was the first time that I realized that my dad could not even sit down on the floor and get back up with regular mobility, I'm telling you my, I had to hide it, but my jaw was on the floor. But why? Because my, I never saw my parents prioritize moving their body.

Sylvia:

We would go hiking as kids because I live in Arizona, there's mountains here, but going hiking was just a family activity. I never saw my parents move their body with the intention of strength, resistance, endurance, cardio nothing was there. And so I was telling Naomi that I feel like again, when we don't practice and have these things like practicing the way we nourish our bodies, if you don't know how to nourish yourself properly, you're writing history for it to go a completely different way.

Naihomy:

Yeah, so when your mom told you that she wasn't going to take care of your son, for you to go to the gym, what? What did you end up doing? Because I feel like that is one of the most vulnerable times mentally, emotionally, physically and here you are trying to make a decision and commit to it to take care of yourself and you need support of some sort because you can't leave your infant on their own. How did you walk yourself through that?

Sylvia:

And what ended up happening 100%. Remember, going back to acknowledging my ability, right, I had to acknowledge that this was something that I really wanted and I remember at that time I was stopping to breastfeed and I remember it was kind of I told myself. I said, sylvia, this is your moment to celebrate you getting your autonomy back. And my mom had just said, no, I'm not going to watch him for you. And I was like, oh, once again she's trying to steal something from me, yeah, and again it kind of shot me back to like being a kid or receiving that.

Sylvia:

That criticism of like, oh yeah, you have bad hair, or uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, like any type of it shot me back to that place. And so what did I do? Build a bridge and I said, okay, no, I'm not going to let this go, because this is me celebrating getting my body back, this is me getting a piece of, like, my tapped outness back because I'm no longer going to be breastfeeding, and I told myself that this is how I wanted to celebrate. So what did I do? I had to go hire help.

Sylvia:

You found a way. I found a way because, again, I was so committed to being like no, I deserve this and I deserve to feel so good in my body and I deserve to have clothes that fit me. But again, I'm not going to invest all of this money on, you know, like new clothes so that when I lose the weight I'm going to get new clothes again. No, like buying a couple of choice pieces and then continuing to work out and then really, you know, gradually getting new clothes, because clothes are a huge investment. But again I wasn't willing to let that go because my body needed it but my brain needed it. Yeah, absolutely, that makes sense 100%.

Sylvia:

Okay.

Naihomy:

Absolutely 100%. Okay, I feel like for me, too, the fact that I started going to the gym I think my son was about six months or so and I remember pumping before I left, leaving the little bottle on the dresser so that my husband could feed him while I was gone and I was that that committed to where I would wake up early, do all this prep so that I knew that my son was going to be okay. He had what he needed, but I was also going for what I needed to, and something that I realized is I started building this connection where I saw that when I did go, my mental health was so much better, so much better. Yeah, even if I had to do all the work before, and even probably you, even the investment that you were making to have somebody watch your son so that you can go like it was just so worth it at the end every single time 100%, and I want to speak to that too.

Sylvia:

Naomi, I'm just like the decision and the trust Okay. So look, you did it at six months. That's amazing. I tried to go sooner, but I would get really annoyed that I would leak during my workouts, oh yeah. And I was just like this is just so uncomfortable. So I was like, no, you know what, I'm going to really hit it hard with the gym when I'm done breastfeeding. Also, I was one of those moms that I really needed a lot of sleep when, and so I literally again. Guys, this is all about like building your self-trust and acknowledging your ability and like building safety and trust around that, because I was just like you know what, sylvia, it's okay if, if you want to sleep, if you're, if you're choosing sleep now and you're going to wait until you're done breastfeeding, to then hit it hard at the gym, that's okay too.

Naihomy:

Yeah, I think that's a really good point because it's it's you're proving that it's not that all or nothing. And when, when I started going, yeah, I was listening to my body first and if I couldn't go because I wasn't feeling well, I was obviously still recovering and all that. Then I didn't and I just met myself where I was. I wasn't beating myself up that, oh my gosh, I can't move like them. I can't do it like that. I'm like I really was clear on where I was starting and and that was enough for me.

Naihomy:

Because, going back to this whole conversation and you with the building your own confidence in your own self-trust, I was just worried about me in that room, not the comparison piece of your C's that you brought up, because that would have dragged me down. And the truth is that that's so freaking unrealistic because everybody in the room had not just had a baby with a C-section six months ago and I was so I was so determined to for the instructor to knew where I was starting off that I told him and I was like, if you see me doing half-assed work, don't push me, because I'm just getting to relearn my body and I will get there. And he was like, bet, that's okay, and he just let me do whatever I was able to do that day and that just it felt good for me, cause that's where I needed to start, 100% yeah. So I want to touch on your dad too, um, and and, like you, witnessing how, how not getting up or down from the floor is such a big deal, because what about if you slip and fall?

Naihomy:

what happens right like this affects your quality of life, and I feel like I I too I never saw adults in my life or my parents prioritize exercise in a formal way or know that this was important, and to me I just find that a lot of at least our generation, where you might be. In my case I'm not even first gen. I mean, my mom or my parents brought me to the US when I was like a year and a half, so technically I'm first gen, but I wasn't born here. Whatever, they had to focus a lot on survival and I feel like taking care of themselves in that way was a luxury because there was no leftover money to invest in this way. They probably did not know the importance of that. Their lifestyles had completely changed, where back home they would probably be practicing mobility just on the day to day.

Naihomy:

Maybe, they would be gardening or harvesting or just working with their bodies. Moving to the US just changes all of that, plus all of the other immigrant things of survival, of not having the extra money, not having the awareness, all of that. With that said, I think it's so important for us to realize that, because what I see is a lot of these older generations, they're just wasting away. They don't have the mobility, they're getting hurt, they're just with their little canes and walkers and like on their rocking chairs, and I'm not trying to make a dig on that no what I am trying to say is we don't have to follow suit.

Naihomy:

we actually have more like isn't that, the privilege of just being in this generation and their work to be where they are, for us to. I think we worry a lot and this is back to what Sylvia said of priorities, of what you need to tend to in yourself because we worry so much about becoming financially independent and financially, you know, successful and going up in our careers, and yet the confidence, the mindset, the trust and your health is in the dumps. No one talks about that piece 100% I have every.

Sylvia:

I have every core. I just want to say quickly I have every corporate person working with me because they're like I'm a fucking top dog, but and I, I'm a fucking top dog, but and I, yo nomas aparento to be confident, I'm just faking it over here. Also, please stop faking it till you make it. That's a podcast for another day, Pero I okay.

Sylvia:

Beautiful to what everything you just said. 100% With my dad yesterday again my jaw was on the floor. Obviously, I like hit it because I didn't want to freak him out, but I really felt bad because my dad actually grew up being an athlete. My dad was an incredible soccer player, almost went pro. So he, he was a phenomenal athlete. But my, I think that our parents come from a generation of like the casas, and your life is over. You get married and your life is over.

Sylvia:

That's another thing, yeah and so, again, I think that we are a beautiful, magical generation, of that our life doesn't end when we become parents, or when we become married, or when we become responsible right, I guess, responsable, we need to be responsible of things or a certain age, uh-huh, certain career level, like, yeah, lots of definitions out there.

Sylvia:

Yeah, and and I want you to kind of just like everybody who's listening to this, like kind of think, when you received that messaging with your from your parents of like maybe you were in high school, maybe you were graduating high school, and they were like, okay, it's time to be responsible, quit fucking around and you have to pick something and or or whatever that case is. And so, uh, it was just really surprising, because with my dad, he was a, a phenomenal athlete, but then he got married, he started having children, he moved to the States Again, I'm first generation here. They moved to the States and my dad just grinded, my dad just worked, right, right, right. And so there was never this like, oh, I I'm a, I'm a dad, I work, I have some me time. No, it was just like I'm the provider, I'm the man, I'm the husband, I'm the dad and that's it.

Sylvia:

But again, we all have our vices. The way we would take the edge off is family parties. Guess who? The first one present was the keg Alcohol. Yes, the keg was present at every family function.

Naihomy:

That's another podcast for another day too. Yeah, sorry the way that our community self soothes through alcohol. Anyway, keep going, Sorry yeah, our vices right.

Sylvia:

So again I just I want you to pay attention to that. And again it was. I wasn't going to like talk shit to my dad at the gym because I could literally see it on his face and he was flustered and he was kind of scared and he was really embarrassed and he literally told me he's like I'm not going to be able to do this, like this isn't what's for me, like I literally am not going to be able to do this.

Sylvia:

Like esto no es lo mio, this isn't, this isn't what's for me. Like I literally am not gonna be able to do it. And, guys, I'm not joking, he did one two minute pod and then he couldn't do the rest, and it was just, it was just so hard. And then, again, I want to shoot it to my mom a little bit, just so you guys can see the extreme difference. Want to shoot it to my mom a little bit, just so you guys can see the extreme difference. Cause my dad still goes to the gym, but I feel like, again, he's not, he doesn't know the knowledge of like going at the gym and like doing different exercises or utilizing the equipment. And also, that's something that, again, because our culture is unwilling to invest, my dad is not willing to invest in a personal trainer who could teach him the skills. Yeah, tell me about it. Yes.

Sylvia:

And then the polar opposite, because remember, guys, I told you on the beginning of this episode, for my mom, appearances matter, and so, with my mom, ask me if I'm scared of pills. Guys, I will tell you I'm not scared of much, but I am fucking mortified of taking anything. Because why? I grew up with a mother who wasn't going to put in the work, at the gym, she was just going to take the magic pills that other women were taking, or the herbal life, or the, the, the tummy teas, or all of the things.

Sylvia:

And what's crazy is that my entire life, since I was in high school, my mom would be like oh, you should just take this. Oh, you should just take this, oh, you should just take this. And I, I would throw them away because I was fucking mortified. And so again, I just I think that we are a beautiful and magical generation that is willing to say, hey, let's look at things, let's prioritize things differently. And, and what? What actually creates our quality of life versus okay, I need to put all of my eggs in one basket because I'm a mom Now I belong to corporate, now I'm too busy for X, y and Z.

Naihomy:

Absolutely Did I answer that.

Sylvia:

Am I missing anything? Sorry?

Naihomy:

No, I don't think you're missing anything and I think you hit the nail on the head in a lot where this whole fake it till you make it this whole escalating and growing without really being confident and trusting in who you are, in your decisions. It takes up so much energy and not just what we're eating and overall lifestyle obviously is affecting our health. But all of this back and forth in the mind because we don't trust our decisions or we're not confident enough to be who we are and to let somebody know what, what it is that you think or you feel that also eats up at your health. So when Sylvia and I say that this is the foundation of building up whatever empire you want to put on top of that, we're not even kidding, because this confidence and trust comes into the health and wellness too, because it's one of those main places where people have so much to say, especially because food and food events is how our community works.

Naihomy:

There's always stuff, there's always food around or whatever events, and everybody's always watching what you're doing and has a comment on it and I know that's something you asked me was about my own journey and I've had to grow in that confident in that way. It hasn't always been like, oh, I make a decision and I don't have any feelings towards it, or I have my priorities, like you said, set up in this way. I've had to grow into that as well. Yeah, oh, this has been good, delicious, like Sylvia says. Is there anything else you want to share?

Sylvia:

tell the audience before we get into where people can find you and work with you and all that totally no, I just want to again personally say, guys, that I hope that this conversation of like two real primas sharing life experiences helps normalize your own household.

Sylvia:

I tell you these stories because I want you to realize that you're not alone I want you to realize that you're safe and sharing these things to me, to naomi, about again like we can love our parents to. To Naomi, about again like we can love our parents to death and we can respect them. But we can also tell the truth, um and again. In you telling the truth and choosing to be honest with yourself about your experience, it's going to give you the opportunity to be practiced and prepared. Okay, there's nothing wrong with that. And also, I want you guys to know that Naomi is the reason that, like, I don't have any like blood sugar flare-ups anymore. Um, also, I was able to quit soda because, as a Mexican person, um, literally, we have a phrase that's like oh seen, coca no es comida. Like, without a Coke, you didn't properly eat a meal. And guys, I just I can't, I can't wait to be along this journey. So, yeah, I mean, it's so fun, yeah.

Naihomy:

I think it is fun. Thank you for sharing that, and something that you had mentioned before is how many people you work with that are at the top of their game and they feel very empty. I can resonate with that, because a lot of the people I work with are top dogs to lawyers, doctors, educators, business owners and when we don't build that foundation just coming back to that again it leads to burnout, it leads to getting very sick, it leads to losing yourself. So we cannot emphasize enough how important it is to build from the inside out instead of just creating the shell that society has kind of put on us as to what we need to do 100%.

Naihomy:

Sylvia, let us know where we can find you, how we can work with you, support you, tell us.

Sylvia:

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited, guys. So okay, um, work with me. My journaling experience is starting October 1st and it's called creep into confidence. It is facing your fears and building your confidence in 30 days through a journaling challenge. It's so good. The link is in my bio or it could just be wwwatodamadrecom slash creep. I'll put it in the show notes too. Oh, okay, perfect. And um, also, guys, you guys can follow me on IgE and on and on TikTok. I will be very honest, I'm having way more fun on TikTok, so I would just say go, follow me over there, um, and I have a podcast called confidence at all. I drop every single week where I'm again giving you guys these kinds of talks, these kinds of coaching. So follow me over there. And yeah, guys, also, if there's anything from this podcast episode that you were like girl, I want to follow up and get the tea on this, please dm me. Um, I'm so excited.

Naihomy:

Yeah, absolutely yes, and if it's past october 1st 2024, can they still join your challenge?

Sylvia:

yes, absolutely. It'll be open the entire month. You just register and then you'll start getting emails from that point forward. Um, but I will say, man, you heard it here first, we're all dropping, like the new stuff. Um, I am reframing my business and so I will have a six week program called boundary builder, starting November, and it is a group program where you come out, practice and prepared I love that with all of your boundaries in hand. So this is for everyone truly who wants a better quality of life and you can stand on business with your non-negotiables and be practiced and prepared in every arena of your life.

Naihomy:

Everybody needs to join that program 100%. Absolutely. Thank you so much, sylvia, for coming on Wealthy Generation. It was such a pleasure and amazing conversation. I definitely learned a lot and I hope the listeners got a lot out of that too. If you found anything useful, like Sylvia said, please screenshot it, share it on social, tag us both. We'll share it and say hello and thank you all for listening. I hope you have a great week. See you next time. Bye.