Let's Be Healthy Latinas!

92. When Your Husband Thinks You're Being "Extra" About Ingredients & Clean Eating

• Naihomy Jerez • Episode 92

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When your partner thinks you're being "too extra" about clean eating, it creates tension that can make you question your own body signals and health choices. This relationship dynamic is part of a larger societal pattern where women's health concerns are often dismissed or labeled as dramatic.

• Cultural sayings like "I eat anything" served previous generations but don't work in today's processed food environment
• Males don't experience the same hormonal fluctuations as females, making it harder for them to understand food sensitivities
• Partners often question if organic or healthier options are worth the extra cost
• The learning curve of reading labels and changing habits can cause friction in relationships
• Seeing your positive results often convinces reluctant partners to join your health journey
• Having conversations about aging well together can shift the perspective from "picky eating" to long-term health investment
• Your body's signals matter more than anyone's opinions about your food choices
• Most partners eventually come around when they see improvements in your energy, mood, and overall wellbeing
• Creating a support system through coaching helps navigate relationship challenges during lifestyle changes

Send me a DM on Instagram or book a consultation call with the link in the show notes to learn how one-on-one food and hormone health coaching can help you take charge of your health while maintaining harmony in your relationship.

Thank you so much for listening!


Speaker 1:

Hello friends and welcome back to the episode. I am really excited about today's conversation and also a little nervous, because I'm opening up in an area where I've talked a lot about, but it's mostly in private conversations with friends, family or, most of all, with my clients, whether it's on consultation calls or on our coaching calls. This topic usually always comes up if you are in a relationship. Okay, today we're going to talk about when your partner, your husband, whoever you're in a relationship with things you're being so extra about ingredients, clean eating, the foods you're all of a sudden choosing to eat or not to eat, and this can cause a lot of tension or friction or a learning curve, things like that because most of the clients I'm working with have been in relationships for a very long time and all of a sudden, my client wants to make some changes and their partner is either not on board or they don't understand why. They think you're doing the most and you're spending too much money and they just don't see the value in it. And I'm going to keep it real honest. Like those kinds of things happened in my relationship as well when I was starting my wellness journey, and I'm going to be sharing a few reasons why this might be happening, a few tips of how I have approached it and to give you hope that it is possible for your partner, your husband, to join you on this journey. Some of my clients their partner sees no reason why you're doing the most, and for some of my other clients, their partners do get it and they encourage it. So what happens when your partner is not supportive from the start? And I think is a really important conversation to be having. I think that usually when we get into a relationship and and you know we're choosing a partner there's a lot of things that maybe or maybe not are spoken about things like politics, religion, how you want to like, whether you want to have children or not, how you want to raise kids, finances, and I know that most often, like I think the people now like they're getting this kind of advice and they're on it, but no one was telling me oh, you should talk to your partner about finances, you should see if they're in debt, you should see how you're not, like those kinds of things were not happening. But I do want to add to the list that health and wellness is very important and the other thing is that what about if you start with one set of values? What about if you start with a certain lifestyle and then years, years, years later you want to change that? Okay, and this is mostly where the conversation's going, because in a new relationship, you're probably having these kinds of conversations. But if you've been in a relationship and you want to change your lifestyle, maybe your partner's not going to be super on board with that. So let's start talking about why this is important.

Speaker 1:

Okay, when we start to feel that, in fact, our lifestyle and the way that we're eating and the ingredients that we're putting in our bodies and the foods that we're choosing is affecting how we're feeling, and you're being called out as dramatic, you're being dismissed, you're being undermined, it really makes you question yourself Like, am I going crazy? Am I really feeling this? And you start to really really question the body, the signals that your body's giving you, and you might even consider like, am I being too much? Am I just like overreacting over these certain things? And it creates further distrust from ourselves and from our bodies because from the start, we are taught kind of like to disassociate, like from our own bodies and just act and feel and basically act in a way where it serves other people, like to keep your parents happy and to keep your teachers happy and to make sure that your boss is happy. So whatever you have to do and however you feel, you kind of put that to the side to make sure that the people around you are happy. And it kind of happens in our relationships as well, with our significant others, right? So you're getting to this point where you just really want to take care of yourself. And now here comes the doubt again of being dismissed or being called too much.

Speaker 1:

So this is not just an issue, or might be an issue, with your partner. It is really a societal issue. The entire industry is made up of questioning women and how we feel, so much so that so much research has not been done on women because they say we are too complicated. Oh my gosh, we get the menstrual cycle. It's so hard to track, they have so many emotions. So from day one we're being dismissed. Okay, from the medical industry doing research on us. And this is why sometimes we are so underserved, because a lot of the research that's out there is based on men or white men on top of that, and it's really hard to advise on certain medications, on certain habits, when we don't take the big ass nuance of being female, okay, it's, it's huge. So, starting from there, it's more of of a societal issue. So our poor partners, in a certain way, like we're just swooped into this, even women, our own selves, we self dismiss or gaslight, because again, we've had that happen from so many people. And then here we are just like questioning ourselves, right?

Speaker 1:

So in the past, women have been called hysterical or too much or dramatic, or women are told that they it's, it's the PMS not understanding really the implications of that. Or it's because you're overweight. If you just lost some weight you would not have all these issues. Well, you're probably going because you're having a hard time losing weight in the first place. You're told that, oh, it's so normal, it's because you're aging.

Speaker 1:

So in a space where we have to advocate so fier much for you especially, I'm going to speak for, like I'm Dominican, right, or maybe Latino culture in general there are these things that we say about food that your partner might've grown up with as well and I know I did and my partner did where they say things like yo como lo que sea I eat anything. Or yo si no soy exigente, I am not picky, and those are statements that are worn as a badge of honor of not being picky with food, eating anything and everything. And you know what those comments really did serve our older generations, especially when they were living back home. Maybe food was scarce. They didn't have the choice or the privilege to be picky and be choosy about what they were eating, because there was probably one meal a day or two meals a day being cooked. Maybe food was scarce. They didn't have as many food resources and abundance as we have now.

Speaker 1:

So being picky with your food meant you weren't eating, not eating anything and everything that was being made. Well, then you weren't eating, and then you were just going to be hungry, right? The thing is, too, that the meals that were being made back in the day were mostly probably organic food, as close to the earth, with more of a nutritional value than what's happening now present day. So not being picky with your food and eating anything and everything can get you in serious trouble just because of how our food environment has changed and our living environment has changed. All of that plays a huge role in our health. So if you're eating anything and everything and there's a ton of fast food, a ton of fried food, sugary foods and all that. It's not going to end well for you. Okay, it's not. So when we do not realize that our foods have changed, the amount of food has changed. Uh, our living environments have changed. All of that.

Speaker 1:

How damaging these comments that we grew up with, that we held with a badge of honor, with all due right and respect in that certain circumstance, can be really hurting us now. So it's not just the mindset shift for you around this, it also is encouraging a mindset shift for your partner. And sometimes, as you know, that is really hard to do, especially when we don't know how to explain these things, how to do the bigger picture, because all of a sudden you're just being picky for no reason or you're just being, let's say, super specific about how you're eating, to be complicated. But it's not about being complicated, it's really about breaking through the food noise, breaking through all of the different options. Now, like, literally, food pollution that is happening. What actually is real food and not real food? And by not real food, I mean food that has zero nutritional value inside, that you just put in your mouth and it does nothing for you, but your body having to clean that up. So I'm going to get into the tips later, but one of the things that really starts to support is the education piece and the communication piece as to why these kinds like, why you're deciding to make these changes.

Speaker 1:

Another thing to consider, and that is really important in this topic, is that you are different sexes, right? Males do not have the same amount of hormonal volatility, literally, and hormonal seasons, as females do. So Because you know how sometimes, because someone is not experiencing something, they invalidate your experience. I think that, unintentionally, that happens a lot of times where your partner might eat something and they're fine, or they don't have certain experiences, or they're feeling okay in their body, or they're feeling okay in their body, and then that all of a sudden means that you don't have the space to feel differently, right, that you don't experience different physical reactions based on the quality of food that you're having, the amount of food that you're having, when you're having different foods. And it can really be hard because that is, you know how they say, like hidden disabilities or something where it is much more harder for someone with a hidden disability to be believed and to be honored and to be accommodated. That is kind of similar where, if you're not breaking out in hives, if you don't have eczema, if you're not going full on anaphylaxis, then you are questioned in how you're feeling.

Speaker 1:

But maybe the foods that you are eating is making you feel terrible. Maybe it is causing bloating, it is giving you migraines and mood swings and foggy mind and it's making your periods worse and it's making your periods irregular. Maybe that's leading into infertility. All of like food is so powerful. Food is communication and being curious as to how food is affecting you is a real deal thing. And again, our partners if they are males, they're not dealing with the amount of hormonal volatility that we are and our food dictates a lot of what our hormones do. And because our hormones are consistently shifting as we get our period every month, they're going up, they're going down, they're switching off and they're coming back.

Speaker 1:

And if you're pregnant or you're not pregnant, if you're going into perimenopause like having children is is a choice for lots of people, right? So you might not experience that, but every female will experience perimenopause and food has a lot to do with those things and how you feel in your body, right, like the bloating and how you feel in your clothes, and even if your partner is experiencing some of these things, maybe it's not bothering them as much as it's bothering you. Or they don't even realize oftentimes that the reason why they're not feeling well in their body is because of how they are eating. They're eating, and this is where stepping in with budgeting or understanding how you want to spend your money can be useful, because oftentimes there's just certain foods that you need for you to feel well. So it's like this question of what are you willing to sacrifice? Where are you willing to budget to get the things that you need? Or maybe you just make some simple adjustments to start off. But it's important to start the conversation, see how you guys might want to address this together. And it's not just even about groceries. It can also be about eating out right, like maybe you used to go to certain restaurants before that no longer honors you and it always gives you a stomach ache for three days and gives you diarrhea or constipation or all these other things, and you're like damn, I don't like feeling this way. I don't like having to recover for a whole week after going to this restaurant. Okay, but as you're starting your journey, there is a learning curve time and that might come with some judgment, right.

Speaker 1:

I know when, when I first started on this wellness journey, I used to spend so much time in the supermarket, in the grocery store, because all of a sudden I was not choosing. Whatever product I used to grab before, whatever product I grew up seeing in my house, I genuinely wanted to know the ingredients that were inside. And then, if I didn't like that or it was not aligned with the journey I wanted to be on, then I went through the labels of all the other products, because there's like a gajillion different tomato sauces or pasta sauces or yogurts or things like that. So I would go through all the labels. And there was a point where my partner was like you're going to the supermarket by yourself because you're spending so much time in here, and he would be so annoyed and we had two little boys with us, right, and it's really tough. So sometimes I would go and do a headstart in the supermarket or I would go by myself, because I really did understand that I was spending like an extra hour in there going through the food labels and don't worry like you don't need to do all of that, like in health coaching. This is exactly what I support my clients with to speed up the process and I help you find those products that you need so you're not spending an extra two hours in the supermarket like I was. But it was a it was like contention for us because we would always do groceries together and he was like I ain't staying here all this time. Why can't we just like grab what we normally grab and go? And it was because making different food choices was so important to me. I started to see what big of an impact the food had on me. I was on a weight loss journey. I was losing weight quickly, not because I was doing anything else, but really focusing on how I was eating and doing exercise.

Speaker 1:

Another piece, right going back to the money thing, is how much of a waste of money buying higher quality food is. It's like why can't you get these hot dogs versus those hot dogs? It's like an extra $5. Or why can't we just get the regular strawberries instead of the organic ones, right? Why do we need organic food? And it's up to everybody's discretion whether they want to buy organic or not. I know that there's a list of the dirty dozen where it's highly recommended you get organic because of the types of pesticides that are used. And then there's another list called the Clean 15, where you don't necessarily need to grab organic versions of those types of produce. And, trust me, sometimes I go back and forth, depending on what's available, how it looks. Generally I try and get organic berries and things like that, but for other things I'm totally fine getting regular.

Speaker 1:

Is it a waste of money or not? Well, a lot of the research and the information out there really points to how the pesticides are really messing with our hormonal health, right, and if we want to go deep into the research as to where and why and all that, that's cool. And there's a lot of questions. Is the food even really organic or not? That is up to your discretion. But if you find that buying certain organic produce really helps you feel better, especially certain kinds of meats or raw produce that you can't really peel or anything like that, like berries, then is it really a waste of money when it actually is helping you feel better? And especially for, um, animal based products, how they're feeding and treating these animals, okay, and you know, what I don't think is a matter of being high maintenance to avoid certain ingredients or to avoid certain kinds of foods.

Speaker 1:

I know I got a lot of feedback from my family of how picky I was and how like uppity I was because I was not no longer eating whatever everybody else ate or wanted to go to the restaurants everybody else was going to. But the truth is that I would see it. First of all, I would know how sick I would feel and I did not enjoy feeling that way, like I didn't want to throw up from how sick I felt, just because I didn't want to say no to someone else or not to be called high maintenance. I really honored the fact that they didn't have to understand the journey that I was on or why. Because guess who's the only person that experiences being sick in my body? It's me. Okay, it's me. I am the person who has to deal with feeling so unwell because no one else is in my body. So I owe it to myself to honor the ingredients I'm having and the foods I'm having, so that I don't feel like absolute crap.

Speaker 1:

What I also notice is how other people did feel like crap after they ate whatever they wanted. They would have headaches, they would be so bloated they would have to reach for the Alka-Seltzer and the Pepto-Bismol and the Gasex and the lemon con baking soda and the seltzer waters and the ginger reels and all of that and they would have diarrhea and they would have constipation and they just did not understand how it all ties together. And your partner may or may not be experiencing some of these certain things and it's just bringing it to the consciousness of like dude, the stuff that we eat really affects how we're feeling. Okay, and sometimes it can feel really isolating to to have these health choices in your own home because your ride or die all of a sudden is like you're doing the most and you're height maintenance now and why can't we just eat the regular food? I always like to say to honor that you changing is also change for them. Okay, I don't think it's right for anyone to be disrespectful if that's what's going on, but they are allowed to be in their feelings too, because you're changing your relationship dynamic, especially if it's someone who just does not want to tag along in this journey. I know many husbands who've tagged along with their wives or their partners when they're working with me and it becomes this whole family affair. Like the husbands are really interested and are really excited for the fact that their partners are working with me and they get to benefit so much from the changes that are happening, because, all of a sudden, there are different products being introduced, there are different choices being made in a way that still fits their relationship, okay. So, yes, maybe it might feel a little bit isolating, and this is why it's so important to have support until your partner comes around, to have somebody to speak to about this, to have somebody who's been through a similar experience, and that is exactly me.

Speaker 1:

My partner, again, did not want to be in the supermarket forever. He liked what he liked. There was a ton of food that he did not eat. He did not eat broccoli, he did not eat avocados, he did not eat actual beans, he did not eat green beans, mushrooms, like a lot of different vegetables. Trust, trust me, I didn't eat those either. It's just that I started this journey and I went with it before he was on board and can I tell you that he is like the one requesting veggies and making sure that our kids are making choices that are aligned with their health. So that's another thing where it becomes kind of like a little kind of rough patch, where it's like, how do you pass along this information to your kids, if you do have kids? Because there might be one parent who's like, oh, free for all. And then the other parents like, no. I want to start really encouraging generational health here. So, slowly but surely, with communication, with seeing how I was feeling and the results I was getting and all that, he started to come around as well. And now he eats a ton of vegetables and again he encourages a lot of our healthy habits on our children. And it just took some time. And guess what I was not doing, I was not being pushy, but I was being encouraging.

Speaker 1:

So and I also was curious. I was like why don't you eat green beans? And he's like, oh, because I tried them in school and they were gross. And I'm like, yeah, those canned green beans are not that great. No wonder why you didn't like them. And you guys get to probably have a connection over that, because you probably had school green beans too, or you've seen them, even in Cracker Barrel Don't even get me started on the restaurant. So you know I would be like, oh, I understand that. I would be like you know what I roasted these green beans? They're nice and fresh and they totally do not taste like canned green beans from school. And he would taste them and he'd be like, oh okay, these do taste good. And then that's how you start to get them to come around. Okay, that was one tip.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to recognize and validate that your body's response to food is a valid information, is valid data. It is a valid communication that your body is having with you, and it is totally like the time not to continue ignoring it, not to continue gaslighting yourself or invalidating your experience, because everyone around you is like you, just being too much. It's okay for people to think that and it's okay for you to know exactly why you're doing what you're doing. And this is why I think it's so important to create evidence for yourself, to create a strong why and to create a support system, because when you are the one in your household, in your friend group, in your family, really understanding the importance of these changes and how it's affecting how you feel physically, your emotions, even your soul, then to have someone who understands is extremely valuable. And don't worry, eventually people will come around, okay.

Speaker 1:

This is why, in coaching, coaching is so important and why my clients have gotten such amazing results, because not only do we go through the food education piece, we also go through managing difficult situations. Now, I'm not no therapist or marriage counselor. This is not what we're doing here but it's holding space for what you might be experiencing and it's maybe giving advice as to how it's worked for me or in my situation and maybe pointers on how to talk about it, that curiosity point of view and all that, and also really opening up what are things you can talk about that might bring to light why this is so important. And these are things that we discuss in coaching. Like, maybe it is looking at your family history together, maybe it is this new discussion of how you would like to live your lives together.

Speaker 1:

A lot of things that people don't think about, couples don't think about, is aging, and if you want to age together, what would that look like? We talk a lot about it in terms of retirement and having money for retirement, but what about your physical health? How are you going to actually enjoy that money as you get older? How are you going to protect your health the both of you so that you guys can both have a nice quality of life as you get older. Those things are important to discuss, just as important as how is your 401k looking like? Those conversations should go hand in hand. Are you going to use all that retirement money on medical bills or are you going to use that retirement money living up your best life, however that looks like for you? So it is to both of your advantages. And if you're a little nervous or scared of starting off, trust me, when your partner starts to see how vibrant you feel, how good you're looking, how much energy you have, how, like, how much more you want to be intimate, like all these things, then it really starts to like sink in for them most of the time, especially to when it comes to conversations around the kids and all that Like.

Speaker 1:

It really boils down to a lot of times deep kind of breaking apart how we grew up because that's where we take a lot of our information from like the habits, the sayings that we grew up with and how maybe they no longer apply to our current circumstance and it being okay to make a difference and why that is so important. Why does that go beyond the scale? Why does that go beyond just looking good? What does that mean? To feel good and to be able to move well and to be able to have energy as you age, experiencing together. You know like all of this is so important.

Speaker 1:

So starting your wellness journey, starting coaching, is not just for you, it's actually for your family and sometimes you know, people don't need to 100% understand the journey or why, but they could probably respect it because it is really important to you and because, at its core, again, it is your experience in your body, and someone who does not get a period, who does not bear children, who does not go through perimenopause, who is not living in your body. I don't know. I don't know how much of that should influence your decision to help yourself be healthier, to help yourself feel better, to really know and understand that you want to make these changes and you need the support to go ahead and do that. Okay, when I first started, there were so many changes happening because all of a sudden, I started to go to the gym regularly and I started to eat different and all that. And there was all the comments. Right, there were all the comments or the frustrations, but you know what? Again, everybody eventually came around, not just my partner, but other family members that were like damn, I want to have results too, I want to learn too, I want to feel better too. Or I went to the doctor and they told me about my blood pressure, about my blood sugar, about my guts, about all these things, and now I'm ready to listen.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so you can be that person. You can be the healthy Latina that starts to influence your family, to influence your partner in such a positive way. Influence your partner in such a positive way and knowing your why and having your support system AKA coaching, where you can reach out to me whenever things are happening and we speak on a weekly basis that can be the support you need to get you on your way as other people come around. So remember that your body's signals matters more than your partner's opinions about what's happening. Again, they don't experience a lot of the things that we do.

Speaker 1:

When you have the knowledge and the confidence to trust your health instincts, you can really maintain your standards while keeping the peace in your relationship like 100%, because I know that your partner wants you to be well. I know that he wants you to feel well, to look well, to be confident, to be happy and all of that. And when we're changing our lifestyle. It's just a big deal, and it involves them too. If you're in a relationship, it's not just you it would be.

Speaker 1:

So I say this sometimes it's easier if you're just by yourself, if you're single, or if you have a partner to support you, or if you don't have kids and all that, or if you have a partner that supports you, or if you don't have kids and all that. And this is why my work is so important, because I've done it with my partner, I've done it with two kids, I've done it with a corporate job. It wasn't in isolation that I took this two years of the beginning of my wellness journey and did everything in isolation, in a bubble. If not, I would 100% not be here, and this is probably why you've struggled so much, because we try to do this outside of our regular lives, but the truth is that you have to do it within your life for it to be able to stick. People ask me how do you stay consistent? This is how you stay consistent. You learn how to do it within the current life that you're living.

Speaker 1:

Boom, I'll leave it right there If you're interested and you want to talk about what one-on-one food and hormone health coaching would look like for you. I invite you to send me a DM on Instagram or you can go ahead and book a consultation call with the link in the show notes. Remember do not keep undermining yourself, do not keep shortchanging yourself. Take care of yourself and know that what you're feeling is valid and there are things that you can do about it. Okay, and that's exactly what I'm here to support you with. I cannot wait to talk to you on Zoom or talk to you in my DMs and see how I can support you. I'll see you next week. Bye.